P5

Evaluation

In terms of grammar there was only a few mistakes, for example 'etc' when describing what objects were being thrown at Kellerman. On page 3 I used too many full stops and not enough commas for punctuation. I didn't use the four-line-rule for some parts. I need to make my characters more unique to the story. No changes needed to be made on dialogue, storyline and atmosphere, mood, clarity, character and location. I used the wrong 'there' when describing the world and the siblings motivation. For punctuation i should be using more commas "Yeah. We don't want..." It should be "Yeah, we don't want...". Full stops should be added in different parts. Formatting was perfect except from when I didn't have a slug line at the beginning, to indicate whether or not its going to be writing on screen. I need to cut down on action, and instead of explaining things, show things. The first four paragraphs aren't necessary as it could be figured out at the end or somewhere else in the script. With characters I should show their characteristics rather then telling specifically.


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